Technical Director + Arsenal - any wins or goals = WTF?

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The Gunners were the biggest spenders in the transfer window this season but results have been underwhelming to say the least.

Three games. Three losses. Zero goals.

Bottom of the table. Trolled by ex-players. Manager Mikel Arteta’s job hanging by a thread.

If you’d ‘technically directed’ this north London car crash you’d probably be thinking about fleeing the crime scene by now.

But not Edu - oh no, this guy has plenty more up his sleeves. 

And you have to imagine the Arsenal board winced when he laid out his planned media response.

Instead of fessing up to the worst start to a season in 67 years and honorably calling it a day, Edu was doubling down instead. 

The strategy: stare Arsenal fans square in the face  - and gaslight the living shit out of every last one of ‘em.

• Three losses out of three? Relax - it's all part of the plan! 

• Discouraged, depressed, chronically underperforming squad? Of course - right there on page 1 of the success blueprint! 

• 270 minutes without a single goal? Don't look down baby - we’re dancing! 

It’s either political genius so cunning that we haven't seen it since the time of Machiavelli, or the worst piece of ‘technical direction’ since that dude on the Titanic said ‘yeah we should be ok, I think.’

Now in Edu’s defence, things have changed since he was a player twenty years ago.

Today’s footballer is a pampered premadonna, with millions of followers and millions of dollars. 

If Aubameyang and Lacazette quit football today they’d never have to work again, and six thousand likes per selfie does absolute wonders for your confidence

In Edu’s day players were constantly on edge and fighting for their livelihoods -  in locker rooms that literally bristled with competition.

At Man Utd, Beckham famously got a boot in the face, and players lived in fear of Sir Alex Ferguson's infamous ‘hair dryer treatment.

But in the Arsenal locker room of 2021 the only fight taking place is on Fortnite, and you get the sense that Arteta’s hair dryer treatment is a gentle blow dry with a little off the sides.

So maybe there isn't much left to technically direct anyway? 

And maybe the slow footballing car crash that is Arsenal FC has other factors in the driver's seat as well.

But one thing’s for sure Edu -  your team SUCK. They’re awful - I mean REALLY awful. 

In fact, Arsenal stinks so bad that the most appropriate ‘technicality' here would be to drop that second syllable altogether.