Stevie G bets everything on Villa. Seriously?

Ohhh Steven Gerrard you couldn't resist it could you? The lure of the bright lights and the glamour. Well no, not of the west midlands. You couldn’t resist the lure of the Premier League. 

Listen, I get it. I know why you did it, and I’m not mad. But it's risky. And here’s why.

1. Operation ‘Get Back To Liverpool’

Apart from a brief flirtation with Jose’s Morinho’s Chelsea back in 2005 , Gerrard is Liverpool through-and-through. So, eventually becoming manager of his hometown club was always on the cards. 

Since he retired though, there's been a significant obstacle in Gerrard’s way. The problem? Everyone’s favorite German - Jurgen Klopp. 

Klopp is legitimately one of the finest managers in the world - maybe even one of the best ever. And Klopp’s Liverpool team are just like his teeth: perfectly balanced and mesmerizingly effective. Elnur, could you put a sparkle on his teeth and add a ‘ting!’ sound effect?

So with no foreseeable ‘in’ in sight, Gerrard would have to prove himself as a manager at another team first. But where?

2. Operation ‘Manage In The Easiest League In The World'

If you want to feel good about yourself as a manager or player - Scotland is the place to go. The quaintly titled ‘Scottish Premier League’is a lot like football - only smaller, slower, and easier.

The SPL has 12 itty-bitty teams, two of whom have won everything since the dawn of time. Stevie became manager of one of those, Rangers, as the other, Celtic, went through its worst dip in years.

So he won the league in his first season - and on paper he’s an awesome manager. BUT in reality it's like Man Utd just dominated your kid’s little league.

And again, I get it. We’ve all been there right? Your kid’s playing footy in the park. You’re happily watching and cheering along. And then suddenly you’re not just watching anymore - you’ve stormed the pitch. You’re on the ball and you’ve taken the game by the scruff of the neck. Small children - crying - are bouncing off of you one by one as you bear down on the goal to bring the pain and get this game DONE…

You haven’t done that? Ok, well - now you get football in Scotland.

The smart move for Stevie was to keep bossing it in little league until Klopp finally left Liverpool. But then Villa came calling - and everything got complicated. 

3. Operation ‘Bet EVERYTHING On Villa’

Listen, I love Villa. My husband loves Villa. I’ve met at least a dozen other people who have either heard of Villa, or were prepared to listen to me as I spoke to them about Villa.

But everyone knows that this Villa team can't do shit in the EPL. Especially after losing their own homegrown super star.  

‘Subtract Jack Grealish / add Danny Ings & Ashley Young’ is a winning equation, how exactly?

The problem is that Stevie needs to KILL IT at Villa to stay in the running for the Liverpool job. But he’s much more likely to GET KILLED in a real life league featuring actual real life teams and players. 

And if that happens, his dreams of an Anfield return are seriously dented in the process.

‘I’m betting everything I have on Aston Villa’ said no one, ever, Stevie. 

So please - prove us all wrong if you can….