Seriously Ole: Uncork CR7’s fine wine - before it’s too late

We thought it was a phase. We thought it would pass. We thought Ole had learned from his mistakes. 

It’s like Ole has some kind of ‘wine cellar’ approach to player management. Buy exceptional, highly prized vintage pieces - not to sample, but to store.

Go down and look at them from time to time - yes. Pick them up and hold them tenderly in your hands - of course. Think about them fondly when you're driving home from work. 

But open them? Actually uncork those beauties and let the goodness flow? No, no, no. That won't do at all.

So on Saturday, Ole opted to keep his best wine tightly corked on the bench - and instead served up an on-field buffet of the cheapest bulk buy vino. 

Anthony Martial and Fred showed themselves YET AGAIN to be the living embodiments of wine-in-a-box. And between them they literally pissed away any chance of Utd winning the game against Everton.

Yes, Martial (finally) scored a goal after nine long months. But his shot was deflected past the keeper, after he’d already missed what was pretty much an open goal earlier in the first half.

And in the build up to Andros Townsend’s equalizing goal, Fred gave Demari Grey so much freedom that he may as well have handed over his house keys and wallet as well. 

And all the while, who’s on the bench watching this? Cristiano Ronaldo.

You hear that Ole? Cris-ti-ano Ro-nal-do. 32 trophies. Best goal-to-game ratio in La Liga history. 790 career goals. 320 goals in 356 matches - SINCE TURNING 30.

Now, winless in three EPL games, with the fans already restless and unhappy, and facing a plucky side with a master tactician at the helm - this was a MUST WIN game for Man Utd.

So you can only imagine the deafening silence in the team meeting when Ole announced his master stroke. Who should lead the line against Everton?  A superhuman goal machine single handedly redefining the modern game? Nope: get me Anthony ‘T-shirt-and-gloves’ Martial, a fourth-choice ‘nearly-ran’ with one goal and assist for France since 2016.

Don’t even get me started on the 4/2/3/1 formation that showcases all of the teams failings and sounds like a drunk guy counting.

And don’t even get me started on Bruno Fernandez who’s fast becoming the ultimate luxury player - ghosting entire games and offering nothing in defence.

But one thing is simple, Ole. You have to get this. Play Ronaldo.

Because the clock is ticking HARD dude .

CR7 is back in the Theatre of Dreams. That means you’re not allowed to draw with Everton anymore. As painful as it is for me to say - you can’t lose to Aston Villa . And there are obvious jokes to be made about a whooping from Young Boys - but I won't make them.

The one thing that’s certain is this: Cristiano Ronaldo might be the only person in the Man Utd dressing room who understands what winning really means. 

You can’t store the best wine in the cellar any more, Ole. So please: uncork it now - while you still can.