Seriously Football: Spurs, Man Utd & the Ghost of Mourinho

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What do the following have in common?

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- Tottenham’s 3-0 loss to Arsenal in the north London Derby

- Man Utd’s 1-0 loss to Aston Villa at Old Trafford

- The 16th century religious reformer Martin Luther

- And Marion Cotillard’s character in the 2010 movie Inception

Answer: the lingering EPL legacy of a certain ‘José Mourinho.’

When Mourinho first arrived in the EPL, fresh from lifting the Champions League Trophy at Porto, his early noughties Chelsea side were a joy to watch. 

They oozed class, swagger and confidence, and played with a free-flowing style that delivered goals, titles and trophies.

At Inter Milan he wasted no time at all winning another Champions League trophy, followed by a Real Madrid tenure that produced the most goals ever in a LaLiga season.

So when José pitched up at Old Trafford in 2016, Man Utd fans were hopeful of a return to a Ferguson-like era.

But sadly, it wasn't to be. 

Shortly after his arrival in the north of England - where he lived for the next two years in the same small hotel room - Mourinho underwent some kind of footballing conversion.

Like the protestant reformer Martin Luther, he was struck down by a paradigm-shifting ‘insight’, that would not only change his life forever, but also the lives of many young men throughout Europe.

Turning every known footballing convention on its head, the Special One had a new message to preach.

Dominate games with gusty performances and goals galore? Wrong - all wrong!

Victory now rested on giving the other team complete control of the game: to win, pretend you’re trying to lose.

Now, admittedly there is a kind of logic here - if you make a mistake on the ball you’re vulnerable, so let the other team have possession and pounce on the break.

The problem is that, because he has the cunning, charisma, self-belief (and height) of Napoleon, Mourinho’s message was too powerful.

Just like the character in Inception who, once it’s been introduced, can’t shake the suspicion that she’s dreaming - Mourinho’s ‘win by losing’ message became a confusing and dangerous earworm.

To constantly surrender possession, to sit deep and not attack, to spend 85 minutes camped in your own half - these are the hallmarks of a terrible team with terrible players.

That’s how you play football if you CAN'T play football. 

So under José, it got full-on Inception for the likes of Paul Pogba and Luke Shaw at Man Utd, and Dele Alli and Harry Kane at Spurs.

And on the weekend, Mourinho’s voice was still there in their heads - a soothing Portuguese whisper saying it's O to give up possession, to roll over, to stop trying.

Once you’ve been drilled to win the game by losing the game, both of those terms lose their meaning. 

And that’s why - even with new managers and new players - both clubs are still struggling, and still haunted by a ghost of EPL past.