Seriously Football - Harry Kane between a rock & a hard place

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He wanted to leave, he was done, it was over. 

Go to Man City, win trophies, become a legend.

But Harry Kane had a problem. Or rather, he had two. 

Kane got stuck between a rock and a hard place - or, more specifically, between the cruelest, coldest chairman football has ever known and an agent so hilariously inept it almost defies belief.

First - let's talk Daniel Levy. 

Famed for blocking deals and breaking hearts, Levy is as tough as they come - a living, breathing poker face who wakes every morning with one thing on his mind: what fairy tale ending and no-brainer deal that everyone wants, can I slowly kill whilst maintaining eye contact today?

In an agent therefore, Kane needed a smooth operator with every trick in the book. 

Instead, he went with his brother - a ‘snoozed’ operator with no tricks whatsoever, and in fact, no access of any kind to the books where the tricks are kept or explained.

Charlie Kane advised the hottest property in world football to sign a six year contract WITH NO release clause. 

“BUT”, Charlie explained, “it's all good because we also got this thing called a ‘gentlemen's agreement’ which means you can leave whenever you want - it's just not written INTO the contract, OR legally binding in any way.”

“It's like a cool invisible contract that only exists in our minds, and that no one else can see, touch, read, describe, or verify.”

‘It was special Harry - Levy and I really shared something. He looked sooo happy - I mean like really happy. He loved the plan so much that he was just laughing and crying for fifteen straight minutes - with tears in his eyes and spit coming out of his mouth.’

Fast forward to week 4 of the season and its 4 games, 4 shots, and NO goals for Harry Kane. The England striker is dead-eyed, lost, and permanently dropped - or drooped - into the midfield, like one of those killer whales at SeaWorld who’ve lost the will to live.

And whether or not Charlie Kane still believes in the invisible contract he and Levy signed is, still, perhaps appropriately, ‘up in the air.’